I didn't see it coming

In addition to being a twitchy mess thanks to self-induced finals/paper-writing, I've lost several close friends to suicide/accidents at this time of year. It's just a BAD time for me. The weak, watery sunlight barely penetrates the cloud of foggy memories that marks past grief. I try so hard, every year, to be different, to be hopeful and exhilarated by accomplishments and gains in the past year. Despite my bravest efforts, however, my brain continues to rebel, insisting on commemorating the past, lost loves, missed opportunities. Is this what keeps me grounded, in lieu of sanity? The day I stop wallowing in past misery, will I relinquish my hold on reality and adopt the mindset of the untroubled and privileged, forgetting my friends who didn't make it, the spirits who goad me and beg me to carry on in their memory? Without them, would I keep pushing? Without them, would I be happier?

balance, focus, rinse, repeat: in which I complain about my tooth

Right now, I'm juggling a lot of oranges. I'm still getting used to my new job duties, trying to spend time with Nick and Thing 2, and trying to come up with 40+ pages or original material by December 5th. I've given up on trying to study for any final exams until I get these papers and presentations put together.

I'm having trouble focusing, however, due to a poorly-set crown on one of my molars, which my dentist installed a few weeks ago. I'm fairly certain it's not fully covering the original tooth (or what's left of it). I take 800 mg of ibuprofen 3 times a day, now, just to keep the pain down to a dull roar. I can't drink anything below room temp without searing pain, and warmish-to-hot liquids still hurt, just less. I chew on the left side of my mouth, and wake up a few times a night from the pain. Due to my work and school schedules, I can't make another appointment until after classes finish. I find it really hard to focus on writing, though, with constant pain. My dentist won't prescribe anything stronger than ibuprofen, and my regular doctor won't prescribe anything for a dental problem. Doctors are so afraid of helping drug-seekers score, that people with actual pain suffer needlessly. My biggest worry is that the exposed part will start to decay because of exposure to bacteria and acids, since there's no enamel to protect it. I can't dwell on that thought, though. My only focus right now is keeping my shit together until finals wrap up.